Shamlessly Addicted to Karmin

(courtesy: karminmusic.com)

As if the dynamic duo of Karmin wasn't already on our list of ALL-TIME AWESOME, they dropped a new tasty morsel a couple weeks back and The Ranch couldn't be happier!  

Their stick-in-ya-head melody & clean lyrics, coupled with an eye-popping colorful video 

(not to mention cash money toast!) has got "Acapella" at the tip top of my personal 

 HAPPY MUSIC FAVES OF 2014 CHART! 

BONUS: If you actually listen to the lyrics, it packs a powerful message that I hope Mini-Me learns here in her early days of dating... 

Oh yeah, by the way, Mini-Me DID in fact turn 16 almost a month ago. Have been so busy with fastpitch lessons, birthday parties, holidays, my brother's wedding, basketball tournaments, family gatherings, sports camps (girls camp details to come eventually) & roadtrips that I failed to post it here ON her actual birthday.  But she did & we survived!  Rest assured she got her license & is still ticket-free --knock on wood-- and Mr LKP's taking applications from date-able candidates, LOL! 

UNDERLYING MESSAGE: BE STRONG IN YOURSELF.  

Falls right in line with what I admonish every time she leaves the house "Remember who you are and what you stand for." But even more so at this time in her life I hope she gains the strong foundation of an early realization that her own self-worth does not increase or diminish based on whether she's attached to someone or not.  I hope she realizes that it is MORE THAN OKAY to stand on her own two feet *without* a less than worthy companion, rather than to be stifled by the wrong relationship.  Hard lesson to learn for many, as it was for myself in my youth, but hopefully she gets it now before a great deal of heartache & doubt can enter the picture.  

So, thank you Karmin, from this grateful mama.  And to everybody else?  Crank that "Acapella" up!

How to Make a Mom Cry for LESS Than $8

...so there's been some shuffling around within our ward's YW presidency lately.  Due to the switcheroos + circumstances, last Wednesday night's activity for the Beehives fell into some bewildered hands, on somewhat short notice (those hands being mine & those of our new presidency member, Karla - who is new to YW's altogether, as her only girl is just 6 years old... and the two of them are outnumbered by 4 or 5 guys). 

Originally the plan was for a crochet craft to go down, so the girls would have something awesome to make & gift to their moms for Mother's Day on the 13th.  Problem is, I don't crochet.  Well, at least not more than a single-hook crochet snake/rope/string/clothesline thingy, that HAS been known to go on for almost miles.  

Besides tying up younger brothers with, what is THAT craft good for... amma-right?!

So we wiped the slate clean of our previous activity plans, and the girls got to plan out some really exciting ideas they've been hankering to run with.  That part of the evening went off without a hitch, but that's because Karla's amazing like that.

The craft part of the evening was in my hands.  

So.... I did what I know, which is photography.

Tinkered around with a lighting set-up the night before to achieve something like this:  

Then at Mutual, I got real fancy with my lights + some of the Reilef Society's white tablecloths + a chalkboard.  The girls learned some photo & posing basics, as shown below:

(It's hard to tell if they had a good time or not.....)

We then proceeded to crank out the photo portion of this super affordable Mother's Day craft.  Was extremely fun!  So why don't we get on to all THOSE details, right?  K, here we go: 

STEP 1:  Take a photo with A LOT of "white space"... your subject can be to the side or corner or in the lower 1/3 to 1/4 of the photo.  With PhotoShop or Elements or PicMonkey or GIMP or whatever editing program you prefer (I adore working in layers...cause both onions & ogres have layers.  Since I'm an ogre, makes sense.) to add a grocery list title or "To Do" or another lovely sentiment across the top, with dotted lines down the rest of the image.  "Worth Remembering" seemed perfect for the girls' sentiment since they want to help their moms remember, but also BE remembered.  Smart, very smart.

STEP 2:  Snag a plastic frame from Target and load it with your photo you've had printed.

(The 8x10 frame runs $2.99 - it's plastic, but I swear actual glass will protect the 8x10 print.  The print I got for around $2.00 through the pro lab I already use for my photog biz.  Looking for a good one to try?  mpix.com is awesome.  Looking for a cheaper one?  artscow.com will save ya money.  But with either online option, you may not be able to give the gift on time.  Looking for a faster option?  Use Costco.)

  

STEP 3:  With craft glue or hot glue, anchor each corner of the back of the frame with a strong disc magnet.  So, that means each frame will need four magnets.  Easy-peasy math skills here, people.  (The glue pack I already had in my office supply/craft surplus.  The magnets we picked up for $1.99 per box of 8 at our local craft store.)

STEP 4:  Snag a medium point dry erase marker and slap a piece of Velcro "fuzzy" around the center of the it's barrel.  Attach a trimmed piece of Velcro "hooks" to the center of the top of the picture frame, and VOILA!  That dry erase marker won't come flying off of its frame anytime soon, that I assure you.  (The dry erase markers are normally a 2 pack that runs $1.24 at Target.  Currently there's a bonus marker in the packs, so even better!  The pack of 12 Scotch brand Velcro attachments ran $2.64, also at Target.  Have I mentioned I enjoy projects that don't involve me running all over town, or bribing merchants in back alleys for the supplies?  Trust me, this makes loving the project even easier!)

STEP 5:  Mount on fridge or, if you're too impatient for that like me, hold at arm's length & admire your handiwork!  Beautiful, personal, AND practical.  Someone's a genius!   

(And that'd be YOU for listening to me!)  Wrap this gem in some sweet mom-colored tissue paper with a lovely paper magnolia or dahlia or other blossom tied-on and the waterworks are bound to start.  

(Image source and instructions found here.)

*ACCOUNTING*

8x10 Frame (Target):                     $2.99

Pro-lab, bare bones print (my cost): $2.20

One Dry Erase marker (Target):      $ .42

Velcro Attachment Pairing (Target): $ .22

 4 Anchor Magnets:                      $1.00

WA State Sales Tax:                    $ .55

Glue (already on-hand):                     FREE

WHOPPING GRAND TOTAL:       $7.38

Wanna hear something crazy?  At cost, for a photo studio to have a flimsy cardboard dry erase board created from a portrait, some labs charge AT LEAST DOUBLE what this breeze of a project rang up to.  That's before a pro photog adds their measly commission to the price tag.  Plus, going our DIY route scores a higher quality dry erase pen as well as actual glass to make the dry-erasing a snap.

....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, you're welcome! 

::high-five::

Grateful for... (What I Believe: A Long-Overdue Stance)

"ANY BUG CAN HIT A WINDSHIELD, BUT IT TAKES GUTS TO STICK!" ~UNKNOWN

On many blogs lately, there was been a YouTube trailer featured, linked to, or embedded in a multitude of different posts.  The trailer is for a documentary called "Miss Representation."  The film discusses the negative affects today's media has on the young women and young girls of the world, which is deteriorating our girls' self-esteem, personal body-images, how they talk to & treat others, and the legacy of strength intended to be passed on to the next generation.  The discussion includes interviews with teenagers (guys & girls alike), successful women of accomplishment, women & men of scholarship, women & men in leadership & government positions, as well as women & men who work in mainstream media.  

I agree that society/the world/the media have gotten away with moral travesties!  I agree that it should stop.  I agree that the tipping point or paradigm shift can only happen if we demand accountability on the media's part & demand better for our kids.  We must be our children's champions.

If you'd like to see the trailer for yourself, please go here.  Though I agree with the position of the documentary, I do not want some of the images, shown as proof of what we already know to be true, to have a home here in my family's blog.

The first blog I heard of this from was a dear friend of mine.  Her blog did not feature the video either, instead she chose to link to her friends' blog where it was viewable.  Rather than leave my lengthy comment on this poor-gal-who-doesn't-know-me's blog, instead I decided to post my comment here.  Once you've seen the video, you'll understand where I'm coming from.  Since this had originally been intended to be just a comment, please excuse the lack of capitalization.  Thank you.

*************************************************************

"i'm here via SIF's blog.  what this video/trailer addresses are daily concerns of mine.

being the mother of a 14 year old HS freshman, i'm constantly guarding against the negative outside-influences in my kid's life.  i don't agree with the media out there doing its thing but, it DOES feel like i can't stop those in the media from continuing further down the path.  what i HAVE found we can do is educate our daughters.  

solid ground rules/expectations (in regards to dressing modestly, using clean language, having self-respect & respecting others, etc.) are set & continuously maintained within our family & home.

"no other success can compensate for failure in the home." ~david o. mckay

 

we encourage & foster a good relationship with our daughter where we can openly communicate and discuss questions she may have.  also, we CAN limit the media's influence here in our home & family.  as vile as the media's offerings are, we are not victims.  we do not have to welcome any of it in.

also, in our family, we are very careful about the music we listen to.  when a degrading song comes on the radio, the channel is changed and the floor is then opened for educating our daughter as to why it's degrading, the extent of damage such lyrics & artists cause, and -despite the catchy beat- what elements are most offensive so we can avoid the unseen destruction from future songs or artists' tactics. 

in addition, we don't watch TV.  no MTV and no network programming here.  (not only do too many shows lack a conscience any more, i definitely cannot trust what additional smut or filth enters the home via simple movie trailers and other commercials in between.  so we've been TV-free for 7 years now.)  we DO have an extensive DVD collection that we enjoy, where the titles selected and in our library have gone through meticulous evaluation on our parts as the parents.  that's.our.job. 

we also have netflix and a wii.... but with both of those, we most definitely rely on the parental controls to help police all content viewed there.  some old movies that were released prior to the movie ratings system aren't even able to be viewed.  books are also scoured to be sure content is appropriate.  our family library consists of many classic pieces of literature, material from trusted authors, and books that educate, uplift & teach us how to become better in various aspects or skills of our lives.  no romance or graphic novels are allowed in our home.  we also do not take magazines in the mail, with the exception of perhaps 2 (one for adults & one for teens) each month, both from our church.  we've taken protecting our daughter so far as not even allowing victoria's secret catalogs come in our mail or into our house.

we have one functioning computer and it is centrally located in the house, where anyone can see the content being viewed.  passwords are in place so that computer time can be closely monitored.  internet time is limited in our home as well.  the internet is not used as an entertainment source, but as a resource for school projects & correspondence (via email, and online journaling on our blogs).  therefore, there simply are ZERO hours wasted on youtube, and our daughter does not have a facebook account. we feel its better to be safe now than sorry later.

please keep in mind, however, that just because we discipline ourselves, that doesn't mean we live under a rock or are socially inept in any way. 

since there is so much that we cannot control when she walks out the front door, we have to keep ourselves involved & relevant in her life.  we do this by getting to know all of her friends & their parents.  we are highly involved with school committees & supporting the sports teams she plays on, as well as her class activities.  we do not allow her to spend the night at anyone's house other than family.  however, we DO allow "late nights," where she is picked up from others' homes by 11pm at the latest.  also, we DO allow her friends to stay the night at our house, as we know what movies will be viewed, where the girls are at at all times, and what will be consumed.  when her friends are our guests, they're treated as extensions of our family.  going to a movie, playing board games, or going bowling is a family event and we do enjoy those things together.  this allows for my home to be a refuge from the negative, outside influences of the world/society/media.  not just for my daughter, but for her friends as well. 

countering the negative influences of media/society/the world doesn't happen successfully by only removing the bad.  if that's all anyone did, there would be a vacuum effect that would follow.  when something bad is extracted, and the void is not actively & vigilantly filled with positive, then the void most often is filled with worse & more shocking influences.  influences lead to thoughts/attitudes.  thoughts/attitudes lead to actions.  actions (even if swift & fleeting) lead to permanent consequences. 

so why not start the whole process with positive, uplifting influences in the first place?

for this purpose, not only do we have our set of values by which our family is successfully kept in check but, we keep our daughter involved with good, positive friends who share & are raised with similar rules/beliefs.  this is why she is actively involved in church & youth group activities & attends wholesome dances on a regular basis.  this is why we encourage her to fill her time playing HS sports.  through sports, not only is she gaining new skills, but she is learning how to get along with various personality-types.  she's learning how to problem-solve in a very real & tangible way.  she's learning how to lift-up those around her, how to be dependable, and how to be a team player.  she's learning to stay healthy, both physically & mentally.  she's increasing her skills & talents, thus building her confidence & sense of self-worth in what she can accomplish and not in the labels she wears, the amount of skin she shows off, or what boy's paying attention to her.  not to mention, she's learning to busy herself with worthwhile endeavors.

for eons there have been proverbs & scriptures that teach us idle hands are the devil's playthings, and that idle minds are the devil's workshop.  same with idle time.  idle time = empty brains.  too much "nothing" time leads to something... something that is less than virtuous.   frankly, anything less than virtuous is not good enough for my daughter.  anything less than virtuous is also not good enough for my future grandchildren. 

"who can find a virtuous woman?   for her price is far above rubies."  ~proverbs 31:10

so what am i trying to get at? 

yes, the media's out of control. 
yes, we should be ashamed of what the media is promoting. 

however, no matter what's going on outside of our home, we have a duty as parents to put our foot down, and be anxiously engaged in placing boundaries to protect our children.  we must be hard-nosed about this.  we must not be consumed with fear of what others might think of us.  we must not worry about being popular with the under-developed intellects of our children & their peers.  we must be the sounding voice, demanding that schools enforce their codes of conduct, their dress codes, and that they police not only drugs & alcohol consumption, but even the lyrics of songs allowed at school dances & school sporting events. 

here's a perfect example: volleyball this year. 

it's disheartening to hear the majority of play-lists for many of the teams as varsity girls warm-up.  track after track is degrading to women.  they mention an array of sexual acts women are expected to perform, disrespectful names women are referred to as, illegal drug use, graphic violence, etc. 

• why are our young women representing their communities to music that negates their validity in this life?  
• why are our young women singing these songs, word-for-word, as they warm up for tax-payer-funded, school-sponsored sporting events?  
• more importantly, why are they ALLOWED to step foot onto a court with these horrific lyrics as their teams' theme songs?  
• where are the coaches & where are the rest of the parents at?  
• why aren't the adults paying attention?!

do our kids have a choice?  heck yes. 

what they do have their choice in is whether to obey or disobey.  what they do not have, however, is the choice of consequences that follow their decisions. 

we must be firm.  that is how lessons of are learned & decency is perpetuated.

adults: we are the adults for a reason.  to set the boundaries.  to teach self-discipline.  to set the bar for the next generation.  if we are irresponsible with the children we are stewards over, and we neglect to protect them & fail to demand better for them, then i am afraid that the world/society/the media will do nothing but continue to be a degenerative force that will soon annihilate our children's future. (i say children, because these influences teach our boys evil & degrading things as well.  the boys see or hear something they think is "cool" because its in a song or movie or magazine or online, and then they start to subscribe to that mentality as well.  again, thoughts lead to actions.  actions lead to consequences.  often those consequences are hurtful or violent, and always permanent.)

we absolutely cannot afford to be passive.  we cannot afford to stand idly by and just expect the state of the world to heal itself.  won't.happen.  nothing comes from nothing... put in nothing, and you'll get nothing in return. 

society's back-sliding has to stop somewhere, and that somewhere is in the family, in the home, with the parents. 

"without hard work, nothing grows but weeds." ~gordon b. hinckley

set your mind now.  set your precedences now.  set your rules now. 

be strong & don't back down.  children need boundaries, so that there's never room for doubt as to where you stand.  so they know they're loved.  so they know they're worth your invested time & attention.  so they know they are not alone.  so they see you follow-through, and so they learn what integrity & virtue are all about."

*************************************************************

Thanks guys & gals for hanging in here until the end...  

Now, thoughts are wonderful.  Actions produce change.  

"ABUNDANCE IS FROM ACTIVITY." ~TURKISH PROVERB

What I Believe: My Daughter = My Hero

She's out the door to school, so real quick before I head to the office, let me gush about her... :)

Mini-Me spoke in Sacrament Meeting Sunday, in regards to appropriate media & entertainment standards, as counseled of in the For the Strength of Youth booklet.  She was eager in her preparation, and flawless in her delivery.

I am honored by my precious daughter.  When I doubt or wonder about my mothering abilities, Heavenly Father puts my troubled soul at ease through Mini-Me's righteous choices & actions.

She doesn't realize what an example she is to me.  Nor does she know the extent of healing she brings to my life.  I'm grateful for my exquisite daughter, and I love her so much!

I believe that children are "an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3) for very important reasons.  Not only did each of God's children need to come to Earth to receive a body, and progress according to His great Plan of Happiness, but children are meant to refine, teach, and grow their parents as well.  It's another beautiful aspect of children being our inheritance... as we, being their stewards, parent children we are preparing; we are receiving a taste of what's to come, in the eternal perspective.

How can we become like our Heavenly Parents without walking a little in their shoes?  Procreation is a Godly power.  That's understood.  Perhaps what we often forget is that righteous parenting is a Godly talent.  I hope that I can become more valiant in managing my inheritance/stewardship here... not only just being Mini-Me's mother, but in excelling in developing & better utilizing my talents of parenting her righteously.

What a privilege it is to be the mom of my hero!


The following post from Melissa over at the ModSquad fits so well with the sentiments of my heart today.  Enjoy!

**************************************************************

Imperfect and Loved Even Still

Posted: 11 May 2011 10:00 PM PDT

According to the newspaper headline, my youngest daughter had to determine which delightful characteristics described the “World’s Best Mom!”, who apparently was me. Madelyn vigorously began checking every box, giving very little thought to selecting the outstanding and colorful adjectives.
Awesome.
Craftsy.
Funny.
Loving.
After completing the entire list of more than twenty words, she paused to glance back over it. She realized she made a mistake. Turning her pencil around, she carefully erased one check mark, then another. To be certain I didn’t see a remnant of the check marks, Madelyn scribbled out the words. That is, the words that don’t describe me.
Brave.
Energetic.

For a moment, I wanted to stand on my soapbox and describe the millions of ways I am indeed brave and energetic. The slow churning of my defense mechanisms started to roar loud as I searched for ways to make my case.
But God. Yes, God through the work of the Holy Spirit plowed right through my heart.
“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought…” Romans 12:3
I tend to forget I can’t be everything to my daughters. Yet, sometimes my pride gets a tick mark on the scorecard thinking I can.
I bent down low to my six-year old, undoubtedly staring into the eyes of a winsome and perceptive soul. She sees me, I know. She sees the silliness, the laughter and the paint stains on my hands. She feels the tender touch of my arms lovingly wrap around her at night as I whisper prayers into darkness.
And she sees when I don’t know she’s looking.
She sees when I back out of challenges because fear gets in the way. She sees how little I take risks and how utterly freaked out I become of the unknown – or spiders. She sees my procrastination and the times I choose to sleep the days away. Things I don’t want her to see.
“You are right. Mommy isn’t always brave. I get scared, just like you. And sometimes I am just tired. I wish I had the energy to play with you every time we go to the park.”
Knees bent, looking at my daughter, I offer up a prayer of thanksgiving. My daughter sees me as I truly am. Is there a greater gift?
“It’s okay, Mommy! I still love you!” Her big arms wrap around my neck and I almost fall over from the very strength of her hug. Yes, there is a greater gift – to be loved even still.
I offer up another prayer. Not to become more brave or energized. Rather that my daughters would see Jesus fill in the gaps. Whether I’m paralyzed with fear or fatigue, may I have the freedom to say so and may we be drawn to the One who is our ever present help in time of need.
For years I’ve struggled with being a perfectionist. Today I am proud to claim I’m an imperfect mom, and my daughters love me even  still.
Do you have the tendency to strive for perfection in motherhood? How has God taught you to trust in Him to fill in the gaps?

**************************************************************

If you're interested in obtaining your OWN copy of the For the Strength of Youth booklet, help yourself below:
For the Strength of Youth Booklet

All Credit to My Heavenly Father

...with a little additional, round-about help from Mr LKP... and Mini-Me.

So, the slumpy blues I've been in have not been fun.  But airing it all out here in the space helped ease the pain a bit.  The supportive response has been such a blessing.  I can't sufficiently express my immense gratitude.  So please accept this, my meager thanks - thank you.

Mr LKP happened to read the last post Saturday evening.  I can't quite explain it, but his hugs have been more tender.  His kisses more sweet.  He's just been more gentle.  Even in church, yesterday, he hardly left my side (besides Relief Society in the last hour).  Considering all the Mother's Day talk, Mr LKP was very attentive & protective of me.  And it felt good to know I was physically not alone.

As for that last hour of church, without my husband by my side & surrounded by other women (many of whom were not suffering as I was & over the moon for Mother's Day), there was respite.  The lesson, surprisingly, was on Honesty.  I was soooo grateful that our Relief Society Presidency felt it was important to not deter from this year's lesson manual just to focus on the holiday.  I was so relieved.  In addition, Mr LKP's aunt was teaching, and I adore her, as well as her matter-of-fact style of teaching.  It's so clear, concise, educated, smile-inducing, and always, spiritually eye-opening.  Not usually is there a whole lot of run-away emotions when she teaches, and I think I learn best in that type of learning atmosphere.

She was just barely getting started, when a member of our Stake Presidency stepped in to share a few words with us sisters about Mother's Day.  My stomach plummeted through my chair, I'm sure of it.

He gazed at each of us, and proceeded to share with us that when Mother's Day is celebrated within our church that it is not strictly meant for those who are actively engaged in chasing toddlers around or cradling an infant in their arms at that moment.  He said that within the Church, motherhood = womanhood, as all women were given the power & talents to create.

This can mean many things, as some women may create children, while others create art.  Some women may bear children, while others may raise those children.  Some women may raise many children, while some will raise one child, yet unknowingly will have helped raise that child's peers.  Some women will help nurture and mold nieces, nephews & grandchildren, while some may help nurture and inspire children of their "village." 

We were literally created with the purpose of becoming mothers at some point in our future existence... guaranteed we will experience some form of motherhood.  Whether we enjoy the blessing of earthly posterity or not in this life, we have the potential to enjoy the blessing of worlds without number after this life... and worlds without number will need to be populated with even more spiritual children!

This member of our Stake Presidency went on to teach us how very important women have been throughout the history of the Church, as well as the history of the Earth.  We are important.  We are of worth.  We are Heavenly Father's crowning jewel.  He finished by expressing the love of our Stake Presidency for each of us, and testified to Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ's love for us as well.  With that, he was finished, and I was a teary mess.  But in a good way.  I knew that someone with a MUCH greater perspective was aware of my aching.  I no longer felt as lonely inside. 

So maybe my biological reach will remain with only one child.  But that child is loved & cherished by my husband as if she were his own.  That is a phenomenal blessing.  I often worried that Mr LKP would be disappointed that I could not give him someone to carry on his family name.  After discussing it, he told me that he wasn't concerned since his older brother has two sons who will do that for his family.  He's just grateful to have his two girls: me & Mini-Me.

And just because my biological reach may not extend past Mini-Me, that doesn't mean I can't be a positive impact in the lives of her friends.  So, apparently it IS possible to be the village momma while only having one bio-kid in the village!  :)

So, that's how this weekend played out.  But the message didn't end there.

This morning, as I was seeing my family out the door, I noticed that Mini-Me's rushed, disorderly cleaning job in the "living room" area of my shoebox house had been less than adequate... and a might bit sloppy.  Especially in the vicinity of the piano.  Namely, the piano bench.  No lie.  The lid would not, and COULD not close completely.  If one tried to sit to play a song, they would've slid off and bit the keys!  So I went about the task of organizing the bench's contents properly.  One task led to another... so I found myself in a binder, organizing all our loose sheet music into their own sheet protectors.  (When I was finished it was so clean, and lovely feeling!)  Then I put the rest of the bench's items in order (one stack of "mine" and one stack of "Mini-Me's").  At the bottom of the main pile I rediscovered a book I'd overlooked, and sadly forgotten about.  It was placed on the music desk of the piano, and I finished reconciling the bench.

This book is a collection of songs sung by Jessie Clark Funk.  I sat down, perused through many of the sungs, and even plunked out the melody for "Come Thou Fount," one of my most ultimate favorite songs ever.  As I continued through the book, my heart leaped, my eyes teared, and my fingers danced for my heart had settled on the song, "How Do You Move a Mountain."  Each word sealed within me the blessings Heavenly Father had given me this weekend, including each of you, my husband, my daughter, the knowledge that He knew.

Painful & tear-inducing that our life experiences and emotions may be, FAITH in Him is how we manage to get through, how we heal, and how we move mountains (even those that are within ourselves).

"Standing like David

before my Goliath,

Difficult, yes,

but impossible, no.

Learning like Nephi,

it's his will to triumph, 

I'll learn, I'll try,

I'll go.

But how do you move a mountain?

How do you soften a heart made of stone?

What makes a king fall down on his knees

or a rich man to leave all he owns?

Christ said "believe" and all that you need

is the faith of a tiny seed.

Living today

in this world isn't easy.

How do I face

insurmountable odds?

Finding I'm more than I am

when He's with me,

My power, my strength

is my God.

But how do you move a mountain?

How do you soften a heart made of stone?

What makes a king fall down on his knees

or a rich man to leave all he owns?

Christ said "believe" and all that you need

is the faith of a tiny seed.

...Standing like David, 

before my Goliath..."

I'm so grateful for each of you... for my Heavenly Father... for my husband... and for Mini-Me, rushed and sometimes disorderly.

I'm Struggling

For some reason, Mother's Day is such a difficult concept this year. 

Mr LKP has lucked out that he's had to be out of town for work a lot over the past few weeks.  Mini-Me's got school & softball eating up her life, so neither of them have had to witness my meltdowns.  (And when I say meltdown, I mean MELT-DOWN!)  Which I'm okay with, since I'd rather suffer through the sobbing privately than have them worry about me.

For some reason, whether it's the fact Mr LKP & I have been married for over 9 years now, or if its the fact that Mini-Me will be turning 14 in two very short & busy months.  But I have been aching so much more lately for not having a second child in my arms, or growing beneath my heart. 

I know its not necessarily the age factor for me, since I have other friends my age (30-somethings & older) who are JUST getting married or JUST starting their families.  So I know 31-almost-32 isn't what is getting in the way for me.  Additional frustration stems from not only having vacant arms, but from not knowing the EXACT culprit behind my barrenness.

Perhaps this would feel more surmountable if I hadn't been given diagnoses by physicians only to have them, and every rationalization for my circumstances, stripped away by other doctors.  I have NO idea what's going on with my body!  No control whatsoever.  When I look into my husband's eyes and see what I'm not able to give him, I get pissed.  I WANT to have his babies, dammit!

For the record, this post is not meant to be a pity party.  I am NOT fishing for sympathy.  I just need a moment & a space where I can be completely honest about what's going on inside of me.  I need to process through it.  I need somewhere safe to grieve.  Publicly is not an option, for many people look at me, blink a little, and then have the nerve to chastise me for being ungrateful for the one child God DID entrust to me.  THAT treatment is devastating.  Therefore I've learned to keep all this to myself, and to my prayers.

Please don't get me wrong, I ADORE & CHERISH Mini-Me (even aloud, so she'll never doubt my gratitude for her).  
Sadly, there are inquiring minds STILL saying, "So, do you guys just not WANT anymore children?!" or "So when can we expect ya'll to finally start having more kids?" There's also the self-appointed-quasi-experts who say, "There's always adoption and foster kids." or "You've just got to relax and it'll happen."  To all those people I often think "Mind your own dang business!" and occasionally the thought is followed with a swift throat-punch.

It's exasperating to hear the broken record.  And it's not possible for me to maintain my dignity while vocally declaring, "I'm torn apart inside!  I'm ashamed and crushed at the fact that I am NOT the mom I want to be!  This isn't how it was supposed to turn out!"  So, instead I say, "Thank you for your concern," and I move on from there, with a mental note to add yet another name to the list of people to avoid.

I know God has a plan for each of us.  I know part of the trial is that we don't know that plan full out, therefore faith enters the picture.  Faith is crucial.  Without it we cannot relinquish our will to His will.  I know this, but I'm feeling weakened and conflicted.

Motherhood is the noble birthright we women have in this life... or we're at least SUPPOSED to have.  I'm trying to be patient.  I'm trying to understand.  I'm trying to concentrate on being an amazing mother to my one, and the best aunt in the world to the rest.  However, inside I am outraged.

I am outraged at the men who are the selfish reasons that girls as young as 6th AND 7th GRADE are winding up pregnant, due to rape and incest.  I'm outraged at how legions of meth-heads, tweekers, & crack addicts are getting pregnant daily.  I'm outraged by the fact there are so many abortions going on.  (THAT blows my mind!  How can these women not see past the "inconvenience" of their circumstances and recognize how truly lucky they are?!)  I'm most outraged at the fact that in my life, I'm doing everything "right" (married, stable, healthy habits, etc.) and yet Secondary Infertility gets to regulate my destiny.

I'm also struggling with the concept of continuing to cling to hope.

I received my Patriarchal Blessing at the age of 12.  Since then, amidst my mom & step-dad's divorce plus subsequent moves, it was lost.  A few years back, Mr LKP requested a copy of it from Salt Lake City.  My waning hope was reignited when I read the blessing which promised, if I remained faithful, children.  Not child.  Children.  Righteous posterity.  Now I'm not nor have I ever been perfect.  In the years between having that blessing in front of me, I had to learn from the School of Hard Knocks for a spell, but I never completely gave up.  I still knew in my heart what was right.  So I trusted in the Savior's Atonement, as well as my Heavenly Father's strength & faith in me, and trudged up back up out of the mire in my life.  My faith has been there, and it has grown.  But I fear it has now plateaued and I am left wondering where I've fallen short of the sufficient faith necessary to obtain the fullness of this blessing.  (When in this plateaued state, its practically impossible to feel pretty or capable or strong or worthwhile.)

There are stories in the scriptures of faithful women, as old as their 90's, conceiving and bearing children.  I've even heard Bishops and Stake Presidents tell of women who received Priesthood Blessings, from those who hold the keys & have the authority to give such blessings, who have then conceived and bore children.  (Part of me is overwhelmed by that idea.  First, I never knew we COULD ask for a blessing like that.  Second, I'm afraid someone will tell me no.  Third, I wonder if I have to be a Bishop's wife or Elders Quorum President's wife or someone IMPORTANT in order for it to be okay for me to request such a blessing.)  Perhaps it boils down to the fact it makes sense that others could have such experiences, but not me.  I guess its a matter of questioning my own self-worth. 

So there I've said it all.  With all this rage & doubt & ugliness storming inside me, I've been feeling very dark.  I've become very removed from life.  Distracted. Detached.  Numb.  In it, but not as invested, ya know?  Plastering a smile on my face and going through the motions.

This is why I'm posting.  I need a place outside of my head to OWN what's assaulting my heart and hopefully dust out some room inside for peace.

Therefore, I don't know what else to do this weekend.  I'm trying to ignore the pain.  I'm also trying to focus on my Savior more... not easy considering how spiritually & emotionally ADD I have been.  But I am trying.

Along those lines, THIS post over at MODsquadblog.com caught my attention.  I'll share it below.  Hopefully it will help others who are struggling with similar pain and with their spiritual attention span as mothers.

Heaven help me through Sunday!



P.S.  Thank you, Tracie, for introducing me to MODsquad.  ::double-hugs::

************************************************************

Teaching Them to See Their Identity in Christ

Posted on May 5, 2011 by Danielle

Today, our girls are bombarded with images of what they should be….

skinny

beautiful

the center of attention

flirty

fun

stylish

perfect

with so many ways for them to define themselves….

The “party” girl

The “smart” girl

The “sporty” girl

The “nice” girl

The “good” girl

It seems impossible to find the truth of who they are in the midst of the noise of this world….but as moms we must teach them to see that they are…

Created by God: “I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well” Psalm 139:14

Created for a purpose: “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them”  Ephesians 2:10

Complete: “and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority.” Colossians 2:10

Children of God “…But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name” John 1:12

So… how do we teach them to see….their identity….?

When our daughters complain about their hair, their weight, their skin, their laugh…..we remind them that God made them exactly the way He wanted them to be (or else, He would have made them different!)

When our daughters become defined by the sport they play, the talent they have or their friends and abilities, we remind them that they were created for a more specific purpose…as His children, to bring Him glory.

When they feel like they don’t measure up, like they aren’t good enough, like they aren’t like everyone else….we remind them that they are complete, whole, everything they should be, in Christ…..They are enough, because He was enough!

When they feel alone, when they feel deserted, when they feel like no one understands….we remind them that their heavenly Father does…He can bear their burden…He loves them the way they are…as only a perfect Father can!!!

Our voices teaching them to see who they really are needs to be the loudest noise they hear…. God’s truth that defines them needs to carry the heaviest weight in their hearts.  Let’s pray that they would truly see their identity…that God and His word would define them…as His beloved children!

 
************************************************************

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Thank you, Mr. William Somerset Maugham!  From the looks of today's post, I've got THE GREAT THREE actually figured out.  Today's assignment from the SITS women is to write about a woman who inspires you. 

ADVANCED WARNING: buckle-up, this might take a bit!

Today I'd like to be an over-achiever...I'd like to shed a little Lime Light on THREE inspiring women in my life.

Really, if I hadn't stayed up all night and wasn't fighting this sinus crap and a sore throat, I'd have the energy and would take the time to recognize TEN phenomenal women.

Alas, if you don't see your name mentioned specifically here, rest assured you were in the other part of that ten (and no, not the 5 wise + 5 foolish = 10 virgins.... no, all ten are wise beyond their years, and beyond my ability to comprehend).

So, first off, thank you to all of you amazing, influential women in my life.  I am who I am because of your examples.  Know that I am humbled and grateful for having been able to rub shoulders with the caliber of women you are!  You are faithful, and diligent in persevering over your trials.

Elegant, valiant ladies: I thank you.

PROVERBS 31:10-31

• Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
• The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
• She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
• She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
• She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
• She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
• She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
• She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
• She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
• She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
• She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
• She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
• She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
• Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
• She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
• Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
• She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
• She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.  
• Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
• Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
• Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
• Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."

So, the three.

Only one of these three am I not related to. 
We'll start with her, and work our way from 3 to 1.

#3- Ardeth G. Kapp:
She has the most tender heart.  So kind, and endearing.  There are little Ardeth-isms I realize I've clung to in my stormiest times.  Growing up, my mom always had her book "Miracles in Pinafores and Blue Jeans" on the shelf.  Now it sits on mine.  Even just seeing the pink spine from across the room lifts me.  Also, when Dani & I went to TOFW in May, Sister Kapp was one of the presenters.  She talked about the lesson she learned from her father, as a young girl, of how to jump the ditch.  The trick is that you give it all you've got and don't pay the water any attention.  Instead you fix your eyes on the "Buffalo Beans" (aka flowers) on the other side.  She said that if we fall in, yeah we'll get soaked, but the Lord always picks us back up and gives us another chance to jump the ditch again.  So true in every aspect of our lives!

Until hearing her speak, I didn't realize she's faced many of the same trials we all do.  I know I'm guilty of thinking, "Well she was the General YW President.  Everything's rainbows & unicorns.  She's probably lives an ideally perfect life with no worries."  That thought couldn't be further from the truth.  She's just like the rest of us since we're all human.  Matter of fact, one thing that jumped out at me is the fact she doesn't have any children.  I didn't know that about her!  What's so great about her is she's living a very similar human life as well, however the remarkable part is that she lives each struggle with an ideally perfect attitude! 

Example: Sister Kapp is 79 years old.  When people meet her initially, they usually always ask her how many children she has.  Her answer is the same: "Not any, yet."  How fabulous is that?!?  Her testimony of what's to come, and her positive attitude that helps her not get down about it all wrapped up in 3 quaint little words.  The ditch is always there, it's an intregal part of the plan.  We just have to keep our eye on the other side, give it all we've got...and we'll make it.
Sister Kapp is a living breathing testimony of that.  If she can still be positive about her infertility at age 79 (knowing she'll have the opportunity to be a mother, even if its after this life), then so can I from today, at almost 31 years old until my end of days.

"Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come."  -Proverbs 31:25

I love the Lord.  He knew I needed her inspiration in my life, especially this year.  I love that He knows, and He provides.  He perfectly orchestrates every single needful & blessed thing in my life.  I love Him so much!

#2- Jamie Messinger (my cousin):
She has always been an example to me ("...of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity."-1 Timothy 4:12)...in my youth, if you'd asked me who I wanted to become when I grew up, I'd have pointed straight to her.

Why?  Well...

• She's always fun to be around.  
• She's extremely crafty and talented.  
• Her testimony of the Gospel has always been unshakable.  
• She's well-mannered.  
• She remains soft spoken in just the right times, while faithfully a champion for her cause in all the other times.  
• She has always been an amazing student, and consequently an amazing teacher.  
• A model friend, wife & mother.

"She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness..."

-Proverbs 31:11-12

Want proof?



  Recently on Facebook, her husband posted the following:

"Hi everybody. Sorry if this embarrasses you, Jamie, but I have to brag about you! Jamie is the most awesome mother. I can't believe all the things she is able to accomplish with our kids. There is a plan and purpose behind everything she does with them. It's awesome. Jamie, each moment since I met you I have not imagined being able to love a woman more than I love you, and yet with each passing day I find myself even more in love. You are the best Mom. You are the best partner, and you are by far the best friend. Sounds all mushy but it's the straight truth."

See, the scriptures DON'T LIE!!! 

"She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all."

-Proverbs 31:11-12, 26-29


She's everything we should all want to be, I've decided.
Especially when it comes to having a phenomenal relationship with Heavenly Father, and always having the undeniable Light of Christ with her.

"Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."  -Proverbs 31:31

Drumroll............Lastly............

#1-My mom:
I know big shocker, right?  Uh, hullo!  She's my mom for crying out loud!
This woman gave birth to me despite being told she would never have children....
Despite the fact that more doctors counseled that possibly neither she or I would survive the pregnancy, let alone my birth....
Despite being told to abort me....
Despite 9 grueling months of flat-on-her-back-puke-her-guts-out bedrest!

Apparently I was all for making her earn her stripes or something.  It's quite possibly been argued that I've been that way since then too!....stripes....or gray hair....or worry-lines on her forehead....yeah, she's a saint I'm telling ya.

All the "I am living and breathing today" mushiness aside, though, I truly AM living and breathing today because she had the faith to listen to the Holy Spirit rather than some know-nothing OB's back in '79.  She's my maternal savior in a way.  That's right folks, 30 years and 8 months ago my mom did what the Savior asked of us to do and ultimately did himself on Calvary; by choosing to see the pregnancy through, she risked her life for mine.  She set her own life aside for me.

" Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."  -John 15:13

Add to that all the years of teaching and nurturing.  Both on purpose and by example.  Add to that her testimony, steadfast no matter the current storm of life.  When I have a question, I know I can always trust that she will have the answer.  And usually it comes with a scriptural reference!  I love that.  I love that she can answer me, and back it up with evidence...with a firm foundation.

One of the greatest things my mother has taught me, continues to teach me about, and has helped me gain a great appreciation for is the Atonement.  And not just "I'm so grateful for it. What a lovely concept."  No, no.  More like a living breathing, constant verbal application of it in life.

"...I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify..."

-I Stand All Amazed, Hymn #193

She's taught me how to access and exercise the power of the Atonement in my life.  It truly is a transcendent, healing force.

"...Balm of Gilead did you borrow?..."

-Did You Think to Pray, Hymn #140

Essentially, she's taught me about love.
How to love others as the Savior did.  And how important it is to not be strong ALL THE TIME, and allow others to love me.  The Savior did nothing, save it was in love.  Even hard, excruciating work....yep, it wasn't done out of sense of duty, it has always been out of love.  That's how my mom has been my whole life.

"She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple." -Proverbs 31:13-22

*****************************************************************************************************************

Happy Thursday, everyone!

This series is being sponsored by Standards of Excellence, Westar Kitchen & Bath, and by Florida Builder Appliances.

To link up join me here!