Well, not 10 days ago a new year dawned, and lofty goals were set....er, rather we were set-about setting lofty goals. And there's a chance that some of them were not officially made up in our minds until last night. (But just a sheer chance, mind you.)
One of those goals is to adhere more strictly to my dietary limitations.
Straight outta the gate in August of 2009 I was smokin'-awesome about following every restriction down to the last little dose of Tocopheryl Acetate (additional Vitamin E, if you didn't know---had to since it either derives from wheat or soy, and I'm allergic to BOTH....and Tocopheryl Acetate is EVERYWHERE....it's almost as bad as corn additives, like corn syrup and corn starch!). However, towards the end of the summer of 2010, I started to lax WAY off.... especially during the holidays. (Which made it hard to function, and even WANT to go celebrate.)
Why do that to myself?
Frankly, I was TIRED of feeling like I was starving.....and I was tired of feeling like I was missing out. Not gonna lie here....all cards are on the table. The other piece I have grown to hate, is the feeling that others get when I come near their kitchens or dining tables. Plainly put, there is unadulterated fear in their eyes (fear of anaphylactic shock....fear of emergency rooms....fear that if I breathe in anything they're cooking and so willingly offering to everyone else in my family, that they'll kill me....when in fact a lot of my reactions effect my digestion & skin & sleeping...but they don't know what I CAN eat.....so they're practically paralyzed). Deer in headlights, people. Complete eggshells, all the time.
I hate making people feel that way. I hate being their burden.
It's the same way people behave or act when they're excited about being pregnant, but the moment they realize what's come out of their mouths, and the fact I'm part of their audience (and that I cannot have more kids)...then they clam up. They are too afraid, and then feel restricted on being 100% my friend. Totally sucks. Totally lonely.
So, rather than put others through it, I either don't bring up my allergies and just gulp down a plate for the team....or I shy away from socializing.
It's the truth. Over the years, I've pulled waaaaaaay back. (Which really doesn't help, considering the bad hermit-like habits I picked up from years of performance & radio spotlight.....ya know how celebrities are a totally big deal & just ooze confidence all over the big screen or red carpet? Yeah, but when they're about in their normal every day-2-day lives--like grocery shopping--and it's as if they've shrunk back into their shells? Mine's a case of that. When people know you in a limelight sort of way, you tend to be afraid to live your life to the fullest for fear of being hurt, or it reflecting bad on a project you may be involved in, or even acquiring stalkers. In my case, since I'm no longer floating on radio airwaves, the project I've been most closed-off about is my family and my heart.) When I'm out there I put on a great face & laugh others' worries aside... and then vow to not step into messy, burdening situations like those again...and not to leave my house &comfy, safe, po-jammies only when absolutely necessary.
Dietary restrictions + bad radio-based social anxieties + fear of getting hurt = a less than out there me.
Therefore, amidst all my goals, I want to be less withdrawn this year.
I want to get back to Me, prior to the spotlight. (Even prior to radio....we're talking, prior to college dance teams & high school cheer squads. Just 100% authentic Me.) The Me, who can screw up. The Me, who doesn't feel like a burden.
I've also set a goal to stick better to my proper dietary limitations.
And then to not care so much how I perceive others' worry. (Just cause they worry-and I don't want them to worry-doesn't change what is bad for me, nor bad foods' effects on my body.) Just cause I don't want to miss out, doesn't mean I won't miss out on other stuff due to me being sick in bed.
I also, thanks to Jen's example, have decided to adhere to a more strict sleeping schedule.
Let's face it, I'm not in college anymore....can't survive daily on 2-4 hours sleep per night! So, I'm planning to be in bed by 9pm, nightly. Outta bed by 5am. Benjamin Franklin was on to something apparently, when he said, "Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." No lie, I think back to when I felt most healthy (not socially-speaking), and it was when I was working my morning radio show in eastern Idaho. Had to be to the station BY 5:30am everyday. Therefore I was in bed earlier. And if an event had me up late the night before, that meant I planned ahead with an afternoon nap! Ideal. It really was ideal, and I miss having that.
I also have decided to be more scheduled in my at-home time.
It's no joke that I have loved being a SAHM for the past 14 months (minus the 8 weeks I filled in for an old co-worker from the office). However, since I've worked since I was 15 1/2, I'm just gonna say this: I don't know HOW to be a stay-at-home-anything! I had huge aspirations of all that I'd accomplish once I stayed home. And instead I've felt useless. So, I'm gonna schedule my at-home time and we'll see in a few months if I feel any better.
What does this mean?
Jen's also set an example for me of scheduling my scheduling time. Brilliant little mechanism in a chaotic week! So, I'll be planning/scheduling my week every Sunday night at 8pm.
As for my photography schedule, I'll be editing-only for a few hours every Monday-Wednesday, and shooting for a few hours each Thursday-Saturday, weekly. That's it. Thus making the most of my photographic focus (I'm thinking I've got adult ADD....too many irons in the fire at once renders me in capable of functioning anywhere at 100%). Can't have photography swallow my life up either.
I'll be blogging only Tuesday-Thursday.
This way I can keep the rest of my life balanced & happy. Also, I can still continue with the features of What I Believe and Wordless Wednesdays....and it allows for one other day for any other anecdotes...discoveries....declarations....documentation...or spewing from the experiences here at the Gusty Ridge Ranch (WARNING: that 3rd post may be longer than most). Thanks to the ability to schedule my posts, these things will post when they post, but I will have only been at the keyboard, authoring, those 3 days of the week. Phew! (Mr LKP loves you all, but misses me at times.) I love you all also, so if my commenting or following seems less than usual, its just cause I'm trying to be a more effective me here on the Ranch. No hard feelings, k? And if you're in my super close circle of people I love, then we'll still be in email-touch as well. Cause that's what life-long friends do!
I plan to get the bulk of my calling done each Monday.
I'll do whatever's necessary for my calling at church whenever it's necessary, but want to get most of the footwork out of the way at the beginning of the week.
I plan to have my visiting teaching done each month by the 20th of the month (and NOT visiting on Sundays! I can't stand HT's or VT's on the Sabbath. Major intrusion on my family's observance of the Lord's day.)...should make it easier for my VTing supervisor. :)
Also, consistency is key for our family's Family Home Evenings this year! Every Monday night, no deviating.
Mini-Me is setting a phenomenal example of physical fitness for me, as she has joined her school's basketball team! This is huge since she knows very little about the game, and thought (based on what she did know-constant running back & forth, girls' elbows in the face all the time) that she hated the sport...so she wasn't originally interested at all in it. Therefore, I'm going to incorporate daily physical fitness into my schedule as well!
I need more music in my life!
So, I'll be listening more. Finding less, but listening to what I've already found more. Should help keep me motivated longer, and make the grueling stuff more bearable. :)
There you have it, some of my personal goals for 2011....should equip & better prepare me to achieve my huge goal of PERSEVERANCE.
So far, here's some thoughts that have come from attempting these goals (even within the last few hours since I posted them on the wall above my desk):
- I'm in LOVE with sunflower butter. Tastes better than peanut butter (which I'm allergic to anyhow). Plus it's healthier. Granted there may be 10 more calories than PNB per serving, however the worth of the calories far outweighs the extra caloric intake. For example, the calories from fat is the exact same, yet there's less saturated fat in the sunflower butter (no trans fat in either). Less sodium in sunflower butter. Same amount of protein. Sunflower butter has more: Calcium, Vitamin E, Magnesium, Copper, Iron, & Zinc (need that Zinc for better natural Vitamin D absorption)! Ready also for the gross factor? The peanut butter's allergy warning says: "Contains peanuts,. May contain traces of milk, eggs, anchovies, wheat and soy." ANCHOVIES, really?! Yeah, no thanks! Especially when the sunflower butter states there may only be potential traces of soy, due to equipment.
- GONE is the instant hot cocoa mixes of days of old. Instead, on my Premium Cocoa canister (sacofoods.com), is a simple per cup recipe for hot cocoa. "1 heaping tsp cocoa, 2 heaping tsp sugar, 1 cup milk. Stir & microwave for 1-2 minutes, or heat on stovetop until warm. Stir thoroughly after warming." Easy-peasey! I can even whip that together in my Choco-latte machine (thank you again, Grandma Romm, for our 2009 Christmas present!) and voila! Scrumptious, guilt-free & soy-free & corn syrup-free hot cocoa!
- I'm going to go back to eating MORE ice cream! Breyer's Natural? You are welcome for the huge amount of our income that you will be receiving again because of your soy-free & corn syrup-free Chocolate, Vanilla/Chocolate/Strawberry, Peach, Strawberry, & Natural Vanilla I'll be consuming. (Thank you Wal-Mart, even though I normally despise you, for keeping my ice creams super-affordable.)
- Hello, Beautifuls! I'm back to my massive apple consumption! Can't wait, for the Opal's should be available at my local supermarket soon enough. :)
- On the vitamin-front, I'm getting more consistent with my vitamin supplement intake. Focusing on getting that Super-B Complex (Yeast, Starch, AND Gluten-free. Woot woot! High-5's all around! >X< Plus super affordable at Costco.) & extra Vitamin C in every night before bed, so I'll awake with more energy....plus, BONUS, my body should be able to metabolize what I do eat sooooo much more efficiently.
- Adhering to my blogging schedule commences tomorrow. I'll let you know next week, how this week goes.
- Same with FHE.
- Same with my calling....since it starts today, AND I have last minute stuff to wrap up for our humanitarian night tomorrow.....speaking of that (and thinking of volleyball nights) my 9pm, bedtime may have to be 10 or 10:30pm on Tuesdays just so I still have some socialization and VB for my physical fitness activity. (But if I have to eventually axe the VB nights, I hope my ladies understand and don't have their feelings hurt....my drive home is LONG, so my night becomes extra long if I'm in for volleyball....not to mention I've gotta be the best mom & wife before I'm the best volleyball player....plus, gas is EXPENSIVE!!!!) Still sortin' it all out. We'll see how this goes. Consistency in schedule comesfrom repetition and they say that a new habit is only secured after 14 faithful executions.....so volleyball would interrupt my attempts at a consistent sleep schedule. Priorities. Night volleyball may have to go for me.
Love you. Please still love me through all these adjustments. Thanks for bearing with & coming further along the journey of self-improvement, in the quest for eventual perfection (granted it'll take an Eternity for that last one, but thanks for tagging-along).
MODERATION is the key to perseverance... PERSEVERANCE is the key to reaching my eternal goals!
Did you realize that wearing basketball shorts INSTEAD of yoga pants makes ones legs appear smaller?! Truth. I swear it! (This is huge for me, since I never wear basketball shorts. And since I normally HATE my legs. Stupid short, squatty things.)