2.05.2009

There's No Place Like Home...click, click, click....

It's so funny to realize I actually was IN the "Emerald City" and all I wanted to do was GO HOME! 2 Days spent on the west side of the state was enough to get me by for a LONG LONG time. Sadly, we'll have to make several more trips back as we complete Seth's med-board process. Ugh, with a capitol U-G-H! The weirdest part was stepping foot back on post. It'll be 5 years from next week since Seth received the vial inoculation that started this whole mess, and it's been 4 1/2 years since I was last standing on Ft. Lewis soil. Rotten: if I could only describe the feelings that came over me as soon as we pulled up to the check-point, ROTTEN would be the word. A sickening, dark storm started brewing inside the pit of my stomach. Along with it came all the old emotions from his deployment flooding right back to the front of my mind. It was as if I was there to say 'goodbye' all over again. Perhaps this is all in my head, but hopefully if there's anyone out there who's been in my shoes, please tell me I'm not alone! We stayed in a Tacoma motel that literally had me feeling FILTHY just for walking in the room. I was afraid to touch anything, and hardly slept. Luckily I wasn't alone in that creepy feeling, so Seth found a much improved place to stay for the last night. All in all, grumbling aside, there is relief. Relief in being OUT of that traffic! Relief in being reunited with Daisy. Relief in being home. Relief in having actually SLEPT last night. Relief that the ball is rolling with Madigan finally. And relief that it is all in God's hands...hopefully I won't have to be as much of a Mama Bear to ensure Seth and our family is taken care of properly.
SIDENOTE: This month in my experiment, my focus is on cultivating more KINDNESS in me & in my life. I feel like I'm behind based on how I've felt the past 48 hours, but there were glimmers of kindness strewn along the way...a KIND & ATTENTIVE waiter, several civilians who approached Seth & I while we were off-post with their patriotic GRATITUDE (he was in his ACUs), KIND SMILES exchanged in passing through Madigan's hallways, a GENTLE VOLUNTEER who blesses the hospital foyer everyday with her piano talents, a doctor who WOULD NOT INTERRUPT ME or Seth as we relayed his shoulder history and our concerns, my office manager KINDLY CALLING just to see how I was holding up...there has been kindness everywhere-Satan just wants to distract me with the bigger, flashier, more annoying stuff so I won't see the small but significant kindnesses in my life. Well, Satan's just gonna have to sit my life out, cause I intend to CLING TO KINDNESS!

2 comments:

::Jan:: said...

Oh Keely :(

Jodi said...

I really enjoyed talking with you today. And I pray all goes well with you guys and keep being that mama bear if you need to!! And like you said, "CLING TO KINDNESS!"

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